Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
