I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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