thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
