i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
