All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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