so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize