she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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