I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
