ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
