I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
