just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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