hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
