also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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