Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
