Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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