remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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