This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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