well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
