I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
one might say we're banned from that church
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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