obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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