i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
