Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
