the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize