bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
