Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
