My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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