i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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