We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
