So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
