I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
