I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
