Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I need help removing her.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize