Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
