Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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