i may or may not be watching the land before time
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
