I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Four minutes until I can fart!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
