..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
