lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
