Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
