Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
