ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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