i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
