Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
