I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
