What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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