the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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