I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize