Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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