I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
