how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
