My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
