yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
