What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
