I'm jealous of your bromance
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
