So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
