Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
