You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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