Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
