Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize