I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
