You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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