it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
