Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
