i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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