I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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