mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
