she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
