I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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