Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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