someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize