Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
