your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I bet he comes in French.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
