apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
