Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
