tell your sister to shave her snatch
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
