You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
