wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
