did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize