Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
