Swine flu. Run for my life!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize