youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
