So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize