Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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