and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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