Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize