you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
