We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
