I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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