Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
