nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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