If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
