Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
