I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize