I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
