hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
how does that bad decision feel?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
