Soap is not a condiment
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you win again, gameday.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
