At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
