id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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