Where is the hickey?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize