dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
