The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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