...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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