Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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