Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
