Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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