I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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