while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
