when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
