You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
